He called her. Just to check in. They hadn’t talked in a while, and he liked to keep up with her. They had been great friends for a few years now, and he felt closer to her than anyone else. They were in many ways different, but in many ways the same. They both loved to entertain. They both liked writing and music. She was more open and free. He was more grounded. He had consoled her in her past few bad break-ups. And she made him promise to keep her away from guys for a while. He was nineteen & she was twenty; more than old enough to keep track of herself, but they both knew she had a bad habit of falling into relationships, and she trusted him not to let that happen. She was with a guy. A guy he hadn’t met, and an older one at that. They both knew what she was doing. She had never really gotten over her previous break-ups, and so she looked for comfort. That was how her last few relationships had both started and ended. Looking for comfort and understanding in the arms of another man.

He knew what she was doing. He could tell just by the way she sounded. He stopped her. He told her, in a more open way than he should have, looking back on it, that she needed to stop doing this; falling in with guys. She cried. She cried and sent the guy home. At least, that was what he had hoped. Calling her to make sure she wasn’t making a move on another guy? She probably thought he was calling her a whore. Of course he hadn’t meant it. In fact, he wasn’t quite sure that was the reason. But just in case, he left an apology message for her and went to bed. But he didn’t sleep. He didn’t want to lose her friendship. Not after everything they had been through. One a.m. The song “Overkill” had been running through his mind since he had left the message two hours ago. It hadn’t helped.

Suddenly he heard a knock at his window. Not knowing what to expect at this hour of the morning, he looked out. He saw her standing there in the cold wet grass, her tall thin frame shivering slightly from the cold in the moonlight. He opened the window to speak to her, but didn’t know whether to ask what was wrong, or what she was doing there. Before either question could come forth, she asked if she could come in. He nodded, still a bit bewildered at her presence. He closed the shades and put on a shirt and pants. He opened the shades again and she climbed in and onto his bed, which lay against the wall. He closed the window. She thanked him and he unfolded an extra blanket at the edge of the bed, offering it to her. She accepted with a weak smile, draping it over her shoulders. He asked what she was doing there. It was quite puzzling due to long distances between their houses, and he hadn’t heard a car. She responded simply, trying to be casual. “I just... wanted to come over and talk to you.” That only raised more questions. Why not over the phone? Why at such a late hour? And why him?

After she had sent the guy home, she had laid in her bed, crying. She had tried to cry herself to sleep. It never worked. She checked her messages simply to pass the time before she could fall asleep. She had seen his apology and decided to see him. By this time it was too late to call, even though she knew he didn’t mind. She knew he never minded her odd behavior. But she didn’t have a way to his house. She decided to go for a walk. She could always calm herself and clear her head with a walk. She didn’t take a coat, because she didn’t think she’d be out very long. But as she thought, deeper and more clearly than she had in quite a while, she passed the end of her street, and the next street, and the next. Soon enough she arrived at his street, not knowing whether she had intended to go there or not. But what she did know was that she was cold, and she only knew one person nearby.

She told him she had read his apology and assured him there was no problem with him. It was her. She told him why she had cried. It wasn’t because he had stopped her from making a relationship with another guy. But rather because he had needed to stop her. She felt so terrible. She began to cry again; hot tears running down her face for the umpteenth time that night. He slowly put his arm on her shoulder. He wanted to comfort her, but not go too far. To his surprise she leaned into his side, her silent tears still flowing. She felt his cheek against the top of her head. Soft; like a pillow. She remarked on her stupidity. How horrible she felt and how bad she should feel for repeating mistakes she had knowingly made in the past.

Never one to allow a friend’s self-deprecation, he mentioned the inherent foolishness of the human race, and compared her bad decision to much worse ones in history. That began a deep and long-drawn-out conversation about humanity’s inherent flaws, how it has grown since its beginning, and ultimately ended with how small and insignificant the human race is in such a vast universe. They ended up lying next to each other on his bed, both staring out the window through the open shades & up to the stars. She had stopped crying. He was glad. Nothing like stimulating conversation to make people feel better. He looked at his clock and noted the time. Three in the morning. But he wasn’t tired. And neither was she.

He looked over at her. She was against the wall, still looking up at the stars through the raised shades and didn’t notice him. Her soft hazel eyes and shoulder-length brown hair. Her long, smooth arms that converged beneath her head as she lay there. His gaze moved down her long, slender form. Down her lime-green frill-bottomed shirt to her tight pants that loosened slightly from the knees down. Almost like bellbottoms. She always did remind him of the peace-minded seventies. Her leg against the wall was raised, so that her knee stuck into the air. Her other leg lay flat. He noticed how perfectly-shaped her long legs were. Neither muscular nor fat; a perfect fit for the rest of her body. She had removed her sandals, and her bare feet lay comfortably on the bed, slightly pale and soft. Her toes were short but not pudgy. Close together and cute. Her nails were their natural pink color. She wasn’t overly-concerned with her appearance the way other girls were.

He moved back up to her flat stomach as it slowly moved up and down with every breath she took. He remembered when they had spent the day together at the beach. She told him she used to be mistaken for a model. He mentally praised the truth in that statement both then & now. He moved up slightly to her breasts. He had intentionally ignored them on the way down. He didn’t want to think about her that way after the time they had just had. But now he couldn’t help it. Like her stomach, they moved up and down with her breathing, tucked under her shirt like forbidden fruit, yet looking so soft and round. They weren’t large. He remembered the long conversation they had had before. It began with “I love my small boobs” and ended in a discussion about how people typically think about beauty. They weren’t too small. He had once made a joke about getting her a bra for her birthday and asked her size. She answered to his surprise. B-cups. He quickly moved on up her neck and back to her eyes, which were now focused on him. He felt terrible. Who knew how long she had been watching him size her up, although he wished he could find a better way of phrasing it. He moved his eyes down to his bare feet in disgrace. But the most improbable thing happened in that very instant. She said something he never expected her to say. “Do you still feel that way… I mean… do you still love me?” Despite her constant cool attitude, she was never good with words. Especially in awkward situations.

She knew what he had done. She felt outraged, but at the same time appreciative. She had never thought of herself as sexy, and it was a bit flattering. But she kept her composure. Nervousness blanketed her thoughts after she asked the delicate question. She didn’t know why she had asked it. She didn’t really know why she had done a lot of things that night. She remembered the day clearly. Years ago. The first relationship she had been in since knowing him. It was great at first. It became a bit rocky, but that was natural & she was still happy. She was with one of their mutual friends. The three of them were together one morning, just hanging out. He hadn’t said a word. She knew he was a bit quiet, but it made her a little nervous. He finally spoke; stating there was something he needed to say. She sat right up next to him in relief & slight anticipation. He said he loved her.

Her relief was replaced with surprise, and then sadness. She couldn’t find the words to tell him that she didn’t love him, and let him down easy. But he somehow knew the reply she couldn’t find the words to say. He walked away, leaving her struck with his words. She felt bad, but somewhat happy at the same time. At least he knew the truth. They never mentioned it again. When they saw each other the next day, they were back to being friends. And here they were. Four years and three of her bad relationships later. They were still friends. But she wasn’t quite sure of that tonight. She looked into his eyes. They were blue tonight. As long as she had known him they had always changed from blue to green and back again. They darted around the room for a moment, searching his soul, until they noticed her eyes still looking at him. Neither answer to her question would have shocked her, after they had been through so much together. “No.”

Even after he had said it, he couldn’t believe she had asked, or the answer he gave. He noticed her body moving; curling up as if to sit on the bed, so he moved to the other end and sat up just as she did. She put her sandals back on and stood up. He saw her eyes reddening up a little bit and heard a slight quiver at the edge of her voice as she said “I really should get home.” She walked through his doorway toward the front door. He quickly fumbled with his shoes, but didn’t bother as he heard the front door open and close. He quickly ran outside to follow her. She was almost at the edge of the driveway when he said “wait.” She stopped at the edge of the road. As he walked up to her she turned around. The redness in her eyes was still very light, as though she had been fighting hard against tears. He stood in front of her and spoke. “Why did you ask that?” He said it flatly, like a statement rather than a question. She looked down and shuffled her feet a bit. “I don’t know.”

She did know. She lied. She had her answer, and she just wanted to lay it to rest. After all he had done for her these past four years. All the time they had spent together, all the things they had shared… she had only just realized the gravity of it all. She had been closer to him than her last two boyfriends. He probably still loved her. And it was only now that she realized how much she might have hurt him. All those years she just ignored him. She felt like the lead character in a bad romantic comedy. Someone who could stand by her, and still love her, after all her mistakes was someone worth keeping. Especially someone who was willing to shield her from herself and tell her things straight-out. Someone like that deserved more than friendship. She... she loved him. And everything inside screamed that she should be with him. It had all come at her at once and the stress of it was making her eyes water. But if he didn't love her she was just being the stupid bitch that had started off this terrible night. She couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her face again.

He had hoped for this. For four years he had hoped for this. Even as he stood there staring at the woman of his dreams, who could finally love him, he couldn’t believe it. All those years he had kept his love for her a secret. A monster that threatened their friendship. He knew it would make her uncomfortable, so he kept it inside. Half of him had waited for this day, and the other half told him to give it up; to destroy that hope against hope. He thought her question was just a test to determine his motives. A test to see whether they could be friends any longer. If he loved her, and she didn’t feel the same, the awkwardness would be too great to stay friends, especially after what had happened earlier.

But he was wrong. It wasn’t just a test. It was the moment he had been praying for. He felt tears start to well up in his eyes. He grabbed her right hand with his left, and lifted her face with his right hand so he could look up and into her eyes, wiping away her falling tears. “I do.” He felt his first tear fall. “I do still love you.” Her crying began to lighten, returning color to her face. Her voice almost squeaked against her tears. “Really?” He held his right hand behind her head and kissed her. It was sweet. Sweeter than the strawberry ice cream they both loved so much. He felt her. She was warm despite the cold night air. Neither of them could possibly express how sorry they were, but their eyes assured one another that all was forgiven.

After a heated moment, feeling that love that had eluded her for so long embrace her at last, she spoke. “In that case, can I stay here tonight?” They both chuckled, with their faces red from crying. He wrapped his arm around her waist and led her back inside, feeling his cheek against hers; so warm; so right. He closed the door, led her back to the bedroom, and opened the covers for her. “You can sleep here. I’ll just take the couch.” She responded with a simple “okay” and a smile. She felt awkward. She didn’t want to go too far too fast, but felt weird about sleeping in his bed. Sleeping together would have been worse, but she knew he wouldn’t let her sleep on the couch. He was too gentlemanly for that. She laid down on the bed, once again removing her sandals. He kissed her again. She never thought it would feel so good; to feel his lips on her, and know what she was doing was right. Life had not been kind to her in the past, but for once she finally felt good about her future. Their kiss broke and he closed the door as he left.

He walked back out into the living room and lay down on the couch. His heart overflowed with long-overdue happiness, whereas just hours ago it had been filled with guilt and sadness. Yet he still couldn’t sleep. His heart burned for her. He wanted to touch her, and feel her touch back. All the emotions he had tried to hold back for the last four years were bursting forth like a raging fire, consuming his thoughts. He tried to control himself. From what he had heard, all her relationships before meeting him were destroyed because of that. She wasn’t ready. And he didn’t quite think he was either. And that box of condoms his friends had made him buy a week ago as a joke was not helping things. They were still in the stand next to his bed, nagging at the back of his mind and he felt so terrible; like a caveman. The battle raged on in his brain before he finally reached a conclusion. He would go in to see if she was asleep. That’s it. If she was awake, he’d… he didn’t know what he’d do. He just couldn’t lie there anymore. He stood up.

She lay there in his bed, holding the covers tightly to her, protecting her from the cold fall night as light from the falling moon shown down on her through the window. She could smell him on the warm sheets. She wanted him. She wanted to hold him, and feel safe in his arms like a bird in a nest. She wanted to make sure this wasn’t all just a beautiful dream, and that she really had found the man she had been waiting for. She didn’t think she could bear it if she woke up without him there. Her mind was a whirling paradox. She still didn’t want to go too far, but didn’t want to not go far enough. Where was the line? She finally decided. She would go and see if he was still awake. It was almost three-thirty in the morning. As she sat up she noticed that he hadn’t taken a blanket with him. She picked up the one he had given her and opened the door.

They both stopped as they saw each other in the hallway. They both spoke at the same time. “I was just…” He continued first. “… making sure you didn’t need anything.” She continued next. “…seeing if you wanted a blanket.” She held up the heavy cloth. They both stared into each others’ eyes, unable to look away. They subconsciously moved toward each other, each lost in the other’s eyes. They didn’t realize it until they were nearly touching. At the same instant they both closed their eyes and kissed; slowly and deeply. They slowly moved their hands over each others’ bodies, as if they were handling a fragile taboo. They felt warm and inviting in each others’ arms, and their embrace became more restless. She dropped the suddenly-weighty blanket to the ground at their feet and grabbed the bottom of his shirt while he caressed her back and sides with his hands; both transfixed in the kiss.

They began moving into his room. She lifted his shirt up and over his head, getting a good look at his chest as he closed the door again. He wasn’t skinny like her first boyfriend, or extensively muscled like the other two. He was just simple, yet masculine. A fact he expressed when he picked her up and moved over to the bed. Any inhibitions they may have had were now gone from their minds. Their wild kissing and embracing continued beneath the covers of the bed. After running his hands up and down her sides and back, he decided it was safe, and caressed the small breasts that he loved so much. They were softer than he could have imagined, even beneath her clothes. She unbuttoned her shirt and slid it off, letting it fall off the bed. They had each taken to removing the others’ pants, which soon adorned the edge of the bed where the blanket had been. Neither had opened their eyes since entering the bed. They let their lips, hands, & skin find each other. He was ready. She was ready too. To move forward; further than either of them had ever been. And they could not shake the feeling of righteousness driving their actions.

But she caught herself. All her worries came rushing back in an instant. Nervousness, fear, apprehension. She suddenly turned her back to him and faced the wall. It had only been one night, and suddenly he was her dream man ready to make love to her? She couldn't shake the paranoia brought on by fear that she was just falling into another trap. She once again huddled into the fetal position, rubbing her hands over her shins as she once again became conscious of the cold. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

He stopped his advance immediately. He knew this might happen. But he wasn’t disappointed. He wanted her to feel right about this. After all, she would lose a lot more than he would, really. It was so much more of a risk. She probably had doubts about the whole night. He put his hand on her shoulder before giving her a light kiss on her neck, taking in her lovely scent. “It’s alright. We don’t have to go any further. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to.” He waited a few minutes, running his hand up and down her arm a few times before laying it flat on the bed.

She thought. Was she ready? Is this really what she wanted? Was she prepared to lose her virginity forever? There was so much pressure. From the media, her parents, her friends, & herself. And then there were STD’s to think about. But isn’t this what people in love are meant to do? Enjoy that forbidden fruit reserved only for those sincerely enraptured by that elusive trap of true love. And for the first time, she truly felt that she had been caught in that trap, and the confusion it brought. Was she ready? She thought of him, and everything that had happened up to this point. And she knew: his gentle comfort was all the answer she needed. She immediately turned back to face him. His blue eyes had turned green now. She didn’t know if that meant anything. But she didn’t care. Beneath the blanket she removed her bra and let it fall off the edge of the bed. She kissed him again, both closing their eyes once more. She guided his hands down to her breasts, helping him to caress them the way she liked. His hands were soft yet strong, and she released a short moan into his mouth as they kissed before moving them down to her panties. She opened her eyes and stopped the kiss to get his attention. “You’re clean, right? I mean...” He responded with “Of course. I’d never do that to you. And I assume you are too?” She kissed him again and rubbed her cheek against his, pulling them closer together as she continued pulling her panties down her legs, raising her knees, and pulling them the rest of the way off, guiding his hand down the side of her body the whole way. She felt free, yet vulnerable. But those hands moving down her side made her feel warmer, and safer beneath his touch.

He moved his hand back up her body before moving to his boxers. She moved her hands along with his, feeling the heat from his center as she felt in her own. He pulled his boxers off quickly with one hand and let them fall to the ground, while he held her hands in his other, still kissing her. He felt it. Now was the time. But he caught himself as well. He turned away from her. “I’m not ready yet” he said. She worried a little bit. Was there a problem? Could she help him the way he had helped her? Was there something wrong with his... She heard the drawer on the stand slide open and he raised the box of condoms. He smirked over his shoulder back to her. He knew she remembered how he had bought them as a joke. They both laughed, culminating in another long, warm, sweet kiss over his shoulder as he opened the box. He tore open a package and placed the device snugly on himself. It was his first time, and he believed it was hers too.

He didn’t plan on going on for too long, or doing anything crazy, so he only wore one. He didn’t want to wear two and break them. Her hands roamed down his chest while his free arm caressed hers. He turned back to her and they embraced more closely this time, feeling each others’ readiness. They were going to do it. But how to begin? They stared into each others’ eyes, both a bit nervous. She began, not knowing what to do. “Should I…?” He replied quickly. “No, that’s okay. You don’t have to. Should I…?” She also responded quickly. “Only if you want to.” He kissed her deeply again before speaking. “I do.” She nervously moved beneath him as he moved atop her. He kissed a trail down her chest, stopping to savor her erect breasts until she released a heavy pleasure-laden breath. He moved down her flat stomach and down further until he was beneath the sheets & met her center. He held his hands outside and caressed her outer thighs. She closed her eyes tightly, not knowing what was going to happen. He looked up at the woman he loved one more time, seeing her body in the moonlight. He released a slow, warm breath on her, sending a tingling sensation through her body.

He licked. He heard her gasp against the wetness of his tongue, and proceeded slowly. He caressed every inch of her warm labia before moving inward very slowly, making sure to touch on every surface of her vagina that he could reach. She felt him enter. It was different than when she had done it herself. It was… amazing. Every breath he took and move he made sent an excited chill up and down her body. Her quick, heavy breaths only made him more excited. He pulled his tongue out and slid it gently across her swelling slit until it came across her exposed clit; that sweet ambrosia that would make her climax. He touched it lightly with the tip of his tongue. She gasped. It was like a lightning bolt flowing up her body. She had no idea it would be like this. It was hard to imagine beyond do-it-yourself work without actually going there. And here she was. She felt the sensation well up inside her as he touched her again, and began sucking on her extremely sensitive clit. She shook uncontrollably for a few seconds as she felt an explosion of release. She couldn’t help but cry out to the ceiling sharply, squeezing the sheets and reflexively closing her legs around his head. It was beautiful. He gently squeezed her breasts as he moved back up to face her. She was breathing hard, her sweat glistening off of her perfect body in the glow of the moonlight. He was glad he could’ve done that for her. “Are you okay?” he asked. She pulled his head down to her shoulder and nodded slowly so he could feel it. He kissed her neck again as his hands roamed up and down her waist and chest again. Neither of them could believe they were doing this. But they were both sure that this was making love, and not just sex.

He kissed her again, slowly. He wanted to give her all the time she needed if she had to recuperate. And he didn’t know if she wanted to take control or not. She wanted to stay close to him. She wanted to hold him closely still. She moved her hands up under his arms and held onto his back. She opened her legs ever-so-slightly, making herself more open to him. She could feel how hard he wanted her, and how slick and ready she was for him. He had done beautifully so far, at least she thought so. She didn't really have a reference anymore. She just didn’t want it to end yet. And there would be other times. Wouldn’t there? She looked up into his eyes as she broke their kiss. His eyes were now somewhere between blue and green; a serene color. She knew then. Yes, there would be other times. She nipped at his ear slightly and whispered into it. “I’m ready.”

He put his arms up into a comfortable position, not too far away from her, but high enough to get an ample amount of swing. He positioned himself and pushed forward slowly. He felt her heat surround him even through the condom. She breathed heavily for the moment and he pulled back, before slowly making his way forward again. In between her heavy breaths he heard her say “don’t stop.” He moved even further. He stopped when he felt the added pressure of her virginity. It felt as if it were his own at the same time. He kissed her hard, and he felt her legs wrap more tightly around him. “Do it!” She said excitedly, yet nervously in his ear. He pushed forward quickly this time. He felt it break, along with her nails digging into his back as she squeezed and cried out once again. He joined her this time. He pulled out, quicker than last time. He could tell it had hurt her. Was she alright? He looked into her eyes and waited for her to calm down, rubbing his nose against hers. She looked up again. “Keep going.” He slid forward once more, moving ever-faster. She moaned in his arms, he joining her every now and then as he made love to her. Moving his lips between her mouth and her breasts. The bed shook with their fervent motion. They soon found a good rhythm and speed. She moved to meet him as he pushed forward. They felt each others’ sweat. Tasted the sweet nectar of each others’ mouths. Smelled the aroma of the passionate love they were making. Saw the pure pleasure in each others’ eyes and faces.

She moved her left arm to the headboard and held tightly, her other hand still gripping his shoulder blade. Her knees were locked at his hips while her feet ran down between his legs. She almost couldn’t breathe; couldn’t think; couldn’t feel anything but the heat and the primal electric pleasure; him inside of her. She finally felt the pressure again. She tensed and opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out. Only wave after wave of sweet, extraordinary release.

He was beginning to lose his resolve. The heat and friction building between them was almost unbearable. The feeling of being inside of her was the most incredible thing he had ever felt. Her warm wetness swallowed up his firm member with her silky legs wrapped around him; holding him close for dear life. He felt her soft breasts and erect nipples press up against his chest as she raised herself up, tensing. He heard her release a slight whimper of a breath as he felt her vagina closing around him. He kissed her collarbone & made one final, strong burst of energy as he kissed her again and put one hand against the headboard. One…two…three…four…he couldn’t take it anymore. With one final push he went as deep as he could, and felt the pressure crush down on him as they came together. They broke the kiss and cried out deafeningly into the air together. Sharp ecstasy, smooth euphoria, and sweet passionate love exploded between them as they went over the edge.

But the amazing feeling was fleeting; gone far too soon. And thus they returned to the world. Her nails had dug deeply into the wooden headboard as well as his back. He collapsed onto her heaving chest. Again kissing a trail up to her mouth, and then her forehead. He pulled out slowly and felt himself finish up. When he was finally out, he fell to lay on his side next to her. They breathed heavily almost in unison. Again they engaged in a flurry of small kisses. They both felt a bit sore, but they didn’t care. Nothing mattered now. He sat up on the edge of the bed and removed the used condom, tying it up tightly. He let it fall into the trash can next to the stand. She sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. He felt her still stiff breasts against his back, and the heat of her breath on his neck. He turned his head and kissed her again, following her back down to lie next to her on the bed. He felt her warm sweat on the bed and took in her heavenly scent. He found his boxers at the foot of the bed, not wanting to take any chances. He put them back on, and slid her panties back up her long, smooth legs with her help. They would clean up tomorrow. Together. They fell down on the large pillow, ready to fall asleep next to the one they had just made love to. Their minds finally settled, ready for the rest that had evaded them for so long.

But their moment of peace was interrupted by the blaring of his alarm clock going off on his bed stand. Again, he noted the time. Five a.m. already? After about three loud buzzes, he pressed the sleep button and placed it in the drawer with the box of condoms. They would need both again soon, but not now. “I love you” he said. “I love you too” she replied. They kissed one more time and stared into each others' eyes as they drifted off to sleep.