There were still a few kippers left when I found myself a table in the hotels breakfast room. A few sausages and fried eggs too. Even a few rashers of rather overcooked bacon. Not exactly what I’d call a “Full English” but enough to keep me going until lunch time. When Suzy wakes there will be no breakfast left at all.

The waiter brought a steaming bidet of coffee and an enquiring look. Where is that woman you were with, he meant to ask. Or perhaps ‘Madame is not joining you?’ in a supercilious fake accent. But he didn’t, he just nodded, scribbled on his pad and brought everything I’d asked for very soon after. I set about eating it before it got cold and spoiled.

I find a sore place inside my mouth and wince when the coffee washes over it. I’m not sure how Suzy managed to bite the inside of my cheek, but she did. And when she wakes she’ll be in a foul mood, I know she will. Foul as in loud, rude, sarcastic and destructive. If the TV is still on in the room she’s likely to break it. Seriously, I once saw her throw a brand new wide screen out of a tower block flat we were in. We were on the tenth floor and the TV burst like a bomb when it reached the car park.

When Suzy wakes she’ll most likely scream. She might even set off the fire alarms before settling back in a good hot bath. Yes seriously, she’s done it before. Believe me. I can still see the look on her face. It took six burly, bright orange firemen to extricate her from the room that time.

I finished the coffee and wondered for a moment about the likelihood of some more toast. One of the hurrying little girls brought me six more hot triangles the moment I asked. Its that sort of hotel. Accommodating. And probably slightly wrecked as well, or will be soon, when Suzy wakes.

Some would say we’re quite well matched. Even that I’m good for her and she is good for me. We certainly are very similar in temperament and sexual proclivities.

I phone home again while the last bit of toast goes cold. I get the damned Answerphone again. Annoyed I leave a short, curt message. Me again I grunt, and hang up.

When Suzy wakes it will be lunch time and, if they haven’t thrown us out by then I might book the room for another day. They’re not busy so they won’t refuse, even when the cleaning lady sees the state the room is in. When Suzy wakes she’ll tidy it…….. I don’t think. No, when Suzy wakes she is likely to demolish something structural. A wall or two. A bathroom even.

Then the words of the wife’s damn song come back into my head. Its maddening, even more maddening because I can’t understand her meaning. ………..And the starfish, Turning within, The wheel…….. what the hell does she mean?

She was right about one thing though, my wife, when she drove off like that. I won’t tell her now; I can’t. Even if I wanted to because she has turned her bloody phone off. The one at home, in our hallway, at the bottom of the stairs, would default to her mobile phone if it wasn’t answered after four rings. Would, that is, if her mobile was switched on. Instead I get the home Answerphone and that’s it.

It occurs to me, like a flash of lightning then. She means the shape of her car wheels doesn’t she? The starfish! The hubs are five spoked alloys, starfish shaped. Perhaps when Suzy wakes I’ll work out the rest of the meaning.

Suddenly I find myself at something of a loose end, an impasse if you like. Coming up, almost certainly to an almost certain dead end. And with my wife absconded with an estate agent and me lumbered with a psychotic nymphomaniac who is fast becoming more dangerous than funny it might easily turn out to be my own dead end.

An estate agent! I ask you! Surely to goodness she could have found something better than that. They’re as corrupt as politicians, all of them!

Morosely I wonder about the pair of them together, her with a spare tyre, varicose veins and stretchmarks and him with…… with whatever it is he’s got that attracted her. A big cock I suppose. Or a soft top Mercedes. Maybe both. Oh well! When Suzy wakes I’ll be able to screw her. At least she won’t say no.
………………….

The breakfast room is empty of diners now, the staff bustling to rearrange and tidy and prepare the room for dinner. When Suzy wakes she’ll be damned hungry. And stinking hot too, I shouldn’t wonder.

I made my mind up then. I’d go back to our room, wake her up and screw her.

Or perhaps leave her asleep and screw her. It’d be quieter that way.

And she’d be less inclined to bite or scratch me. Less likely to pull out handfuls of my hair.

Oh yes, she’d been ripe and ready when I left her, sprawled on the bed like that with her legs apart.

Ripe…….. and……ready.

I got up quickly, nearly knocking over a whole trolley of plates some clown had parked next to my table. Its that sort of hotel. Sort of………

Distracted I strode, forgetting my way for a moment and finding myself suddenly in the men’s room in the foyer. Its that sort of hotel. Badly designed. Maybe they will get the chance to rebuild some of it when Suzy wakes.
Another supercilious clown in the men’s room gave me a knowing leer.

More by luck than judgement I found the main stairs. A wagon load of cleaning things held open the firedoors on the first landing and some woman or other in white overalls stood aside for me on the next.

Then I was in the corridor, our corridor, my corridor! I was practically dribbling by the time I reached number five one four.

Suddenly I know I want to fuck her so badly that it has given me indigestion. I can see her now, still asleep lying there on the bed.

I fumble in my pocket, all my pockets without finding the key to the door.

On the bed. Legs apart, gaping…….. no, no-one could sleep like that.

Except Suzy.

With a sinking feeling I realise I’ve left the key in the room. I must have ‘cos I don’t recall picking it up out of the wreckage. It must still be in there somewhere.

Frustratedly I kick the door. I know she won’t hear me but I know, I just know I’ll be in terrible trouble when Suzy wakes.

© Aahlu 19.04.10

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